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(JP Lyrics) Need some general criticism || 初めて歌詞を書いてみた Mainly regarding how "natural" it sounds.

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Posted 19 September 2017 - 05:52 AM

Hello VO! It's been a while.

It's my first time writing lyrics (in any language), and honestly, I feel like my Japanese is better than this... I'm having a lot of difficulty writing lyrics that make sense yet also match the melody? I ended up just writing some edgy sounding gobbledegoop. I don't really want to scrap it completely because I spent a lot of time I probably shouldn't have on it?

I would really, absolutely appreciate it if I could get some help (general criticism?) on how I can maybe fix it a little bit. I guess it is kind of meant to be fragmented and not make a lot of sense, though... I'm just kind of lost in general. It's the closest I've ever been to finishing a song and I just? Really want to get it done? Some parts where the grammar might be a bit awkward is mainly because I thought it sounded nicer.

Link to the song here by the way. The vibraphones are acting as a placeholder for the vocal melody.

also titles who?


Thank you so much for reading up to here!

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