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10 Commandments of a Teenager!!!

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (Why wait?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs (alcohol last longer)
3) Thou shall not steel from k-mart. (Wall*Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger
effect)
5) Thou shall not steel from thy parents. (every-1 knows grandma has
more money)
6) Thou shall not get in fights. (Just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pay more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (as Nike says just do it)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street. (Just leave them in
the middle)
Funny Break Up Quotes and Sayings
"I discovered I have a mild form of epilepsy and you bring on attacks because you make me too excited to be around you." ~ Anonymous

"I have a pet dog, he kisses like you, his breath is like yours, he pants like you. I love him dearly but I wouldn't want to marry him. Lets part before this goes any farther." ~ Anonymous

"We just grew apart, I don't need you anymore." ~ Anonymous

"Hate is such a luxurious emotion, it can only be spent on one we love." ~ Bob Udkoff

"You mean more to me than life itself - but I'm suicidal." ~ Anonymous

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." ~ Victoria Holt

"I want someone who can buy me a new car." ~ Anonymous

"Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs." ~ Miss Piggy

"You're too young for me. I mean, too *old*. We're the same age? Well, that doesn't work for me, either." ~ Anonymous

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." ~ Alexander Graham Bel

"My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture." ~ Anonymous

"This just isn't for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people - I'm single." ~ Anonymous

"One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing." ~ Byron Nelson

"You talked about the future, and that freaked me out. It makes me sick to think about it." ~ Anonymous

"Men are a luxury, not a necessity." ~ Cher
Short Funny Quotes:
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. - Anonymous

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde - Dolly Parton

Thank God I’m an atheist. – Anonymous

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk – Anonymous

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfeld

An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. – Anonymous

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. – Anonymous

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep. - Jim Loy

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor – Anonymous

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch – Anonymous

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman – Maryon Pearson

The four most important words in any marriage…I’ll do the dishes. - Anonymous

If at first you don't succeed, order pizza. - Anonymous

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. - Anonymous

A closed mouth gathers no foot. – Anonymous

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. – Anonymous

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. - Jackie Collins

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted – Anonymous

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. - Author Unknown

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Constipated People Don't Give a crap. – Anonymous

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. - Dick Cavett

We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses. - Bonnie Lin

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife – Anonymous

Constant change is here to stay – Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure – Anonymous

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. - John Peers.

If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. - Elbert Hubbard

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else. - Ann Landers

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better." Best friends will be prank calling him in the middle of the night, saying "You will die in seven days."

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

A friend would bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying "That was fun"